As a citizen of the world, I’ve experienced many cultures, and I developed my own moral compass from two facts: I’m mortal, and I’m curious. I have yet to find a woman I’d trust with my life and my children, someone ready to commit for life. Until that day comes, and we commit to each other on a soul level, I’ll keep pursuing my fantasies and my curiosity.
I’ve had the pleasure of sharing intimacy with quite a few women, from pillow princesses where I had to do everything, to dominant girls who went on to do as they pleased. Once, I brought a checklist of things I wanted to try, complete with reference docs, and the two of us spent three hours going through every single item and ranking it in a very scientific manner. Most of those were one-night stands, but now that the novelty has worn off, I truly see sex as one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, alongside communication, trust and respect.
My advice to anyone who stumbles onto this: don’t use sex as a carrot on a stick. Turning it into a reward to keep a partner in line is disgusting. Not being in the mood and just asking to cuddle is one thing, and the other partner needs to understand that. But withholding intimacy, physical or emotional, is fucking disgusting. If that offends you, look inward at the type of partner you attract. You harvest what you sow. If you stay immature, in the end you’ll either be alone, or another immature person will be the only one who tolerates you.
Anyways, if you came here expecting graphic details because I’m AuDHD and very transparent… no. I have boundaries. I’m transparent about myself, but privacy matters to me.
If you’re still curious, here’s an excerpt from my Vol 4 afterword
—Since we are on this topic of newfound memories, to all the women I shared a bed with since my AuDHD unmasking, thank you for indulging my shadow side while I was on a rebound spree due to being mentally abused and starved emotionally and physically! For the way my brain works, that was necessary —alongside a lot of self-reflection—to re-stabilize myself and grow, although I do confess the pendulum swung hard, and I tested my very limits by going into the deepest, lustful desires of my ADHD driven soul, even jumping without hesitation into experiencing six women at once, flooding every sense into purely carnal surreality, continuously trying to please more than being pleased.
[…]
Now that I no longer feel in survival mode, my original goal is to settle down with a woman I can deeply bond with, cut all contact with girls I was emotionally or physically tangled with, and raise a supportive family together. It’s resurfacing once again, but I’m no longer as innocent, and I wonder if I will ever find a woman I truly feel safe creating a life with and raising them into this wild, weird world, as I’ve learned that I push people away romantically when I smell ambiguity, and I tend to feel more dissonance with someone than love the more they struggle with their feelings—I’m writing this to other neurodivergent people as I do believe this is something we struggle a lot with—trust.
Read all the afterwords at husbandoutworld.com for the full context.
