Howdy!

Deo in a gold imperial dragon robe and crown on a throne at the Imperial City in Huế, flanked by two attendants in blue áo dài — **King of Hues.** Crowned in Huế, fluent in huehuehue. I take life as seriously as I laugh at it.

Pick a tab above to dive in.

Everything you do is a seed. Everything you don’t do is a seed too.

Avoidance has a harvest.
Indecision has a harvest.
Dishonesty has a harvest.
Discipline has a harvest.
Courage has a harvest.
Movement has a harvest.

You will eat that harvest, even when it tastes like shit. Nobody eats it for you. And not every field is public. Most of mine I worked alone: therapy, pushing my boundaries, stripping away novelty, and driving myself harder than anyone else ever has. People see the harvest. They have no idea how much misery went into the soil.

You don’t escape the field. You choose what to plant.

The mantras

Either full commit or eat shit.
I don’t let it happen. I make it happen.
I’m growing, and I will keep growing until the day I die.
Silence is the poison of the soul instead of communication, assuming you still have faith in the other person.
Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it. New
I’m not dying in the waiting room of someone else’s stagnant life. New

Hard truths

Movement creates evidence. Evidence updates the model; the mission continues, but the model stays editable. Refuse limbo, and prefer an honest no to a manipulative maybe.
Learn hard things. Enter rooms bigger than your competence. Never confuse experienced with finished. Repetition makes habits; deliberate correction makes skill. Comfort may visit me. It will never become my god.
Pain doesn’t make you wiser, and it isn’t proof of growth; changed behavior is. Time doesn’t heal you. Information doesn’t become behavior. A lesson that never changes a decision was entertainment.
Nobody can commit for you. People can open doors. Nobody walks through them using your legs.
Potential gets encouragement and wisdom from me, never applause. Applause is for the first real step from potential to reality. A dream earns dignity when your behavior starts serving it.
Dream violently. Plan soberly. Execute relentlessly. Update honestly. If the evidence stabilizes and resistance drops, execute. Intention without implementation is self-entertainment.
A signal is not a steering wheel. Feelings and hunches are telemetry: observe, classify, keep moving. When action becomes obvious and resistance drops to zero, check it against your values, then move.
Confidence is not noise. It’s preparation remembering what it has survived. Past wins prove capability, not entitlement. Build boldly, measure honestly, correct without ego.
Say what you mean. Do what you say. If your direction changes, own it. I can work with truth; I won’t build on fog. Don’t control me, challenge me. Don’t flatter me, engage me. Don’t promise me, show me.
Peace is not passivity. Peace is maintained: boundaries, confrontation, recovery, honest decisions. A boundary without enforcement is just a request.
Spiritual bypassing is still bypassing. Hiding behind Buddhist quotes, “just let it go,” or standing by idle while someone chooses self-destruction isn’t peace; it’s what Chögyam Trungpa called idiot compassion. Say your piece, then walk away.
Love is not an exemption from standards. Compassion can explain behavior without volunteering to absorb it.
Access is earned and maintained through behavior. Curiosity opens the door; consistency earns access. Nobody gets root access because they asked. I will meet you in the middle. I will not live there alone.
Time, energy, attention and trust are finite capital. Stop subsidizing what keeps damaging you. My attention is not public property.
Not every battle deserves you. Sometimes “persistence” is just fear of admitting the system is dead. Fight in faith for a better future. When people prove unworthy of your love, losing that faith isn’t failure; it’s clarity.
Full commitment is not eternal commitment. If there’s movement, I can work with imperfection. If the system only circles, I stop feeding it. I fight for living systems. I bury dead ones.
Build things worth maintaining. Leave systems healthier than you found them. Achievement asks what I can win. Stewardship asks what I can keep alive.
Engineer and artist. Founder and teammate. Traveler and home-builder. Intense builder and quiet cat dad. I refuse to amputate parts of myself to become easier to classify.

Deyr fé, deyja frændr, deyr sjalfr it sama;
en orðstírr deyr aldregi, hveim er sér góðan getr.

Cattle die, kin die, you yourself die the same;
but a good name never dies for the one who earns it.

Hávamál, as sung in Wardruna’s Helvegen

Shoulders I stand on

Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book II: we become just by doing just acts. Character is built by repeated action. Text
Theodore Roosevelt, “The Strenuous Life,” Hamilton Club, Chicago, April 10, 1899: “not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life.” The speech was also an argument for American empire; what I take from it is the personal part: choose worthy difficulty. Text
Edward Deci & Richard Ryan, Self-Determination Theory: autonomy, competence and relatedness as basic psychological needs. Overview
Steven C. Hayes, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy’s psychological flexibility: stay present with what you feel, and persist or change in service of chosen values. ACBS
Peter Gollwitzer, implementation intentions (“if X happens, then I will do Y”). His 2006 meta-analysis with Paschal Sheeran, across 94 tests, found a medium-to-large effect on reaching goals. Paper
Gabriele Oettingen, mental contrasting and WOOP: wish, outcome, obstacle, plan. WOOP
K. Anders Ericsson, Ralf Krampe & Clemens Tesch-Römer (1993), deliberate practice. Honest update: Brooke Macnamara and Megha Maitra’s 2019 replication found practice matters, but much less than the original study claimed. Replication
Carsten Wrosch and colleagues (2003): letting go of unattainable goals and reengaging with new ones is linked to higher well-being. Paper
John Welwood, Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist, coined “spiritual bypassing” in 1984: using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep unresolved emotional issues and unfinished work. Interview
Chögyam Trungpa, Tibetan Buddhist teacher, coined “idiot compassion”: kindness that avoids conflict. His student Pema Chödrön describes it as enabling. Pema Chödrön
Erik Erikson, generativity: caring for what will outlive you. Its virtue is care. Reference
John Wooden, Pyramid of Success: poise and confidence sit near the top, built on every block beneath; competitive greatness is the peak. Pyramid

More of my story in the light novel afterwords at husbandoutworld.com.

None of my tattoos are perfect, and that's part of what makes them special. The imperfections are what make them human.

Left forearm

Wunjo (ᚹ)
Nordic rune commonly associated with joy, harmony, fulfillment, and well-being.
Isa (ᛁ)
Nordic rune associated with ice, stillness, focus, containment, and preservation.
Gebo (ᚷ)
Nordic rune representing gift, exchange, reciprocity, partnership, and mutual obligations.
Othala (ᛟ)
Nordic rune associated with heritage, ancestry, inheritance, homeland, and legacy.
Mine isn't fully aligned with the other three, and I gave that a meaning too: some of my memories are misaligned. This weird life of mine, like everyone else's, is about figuring out who I am, why I'm alive, and what I want from it before I perish.

Right forearm

Hatsune Miku (初音ミク)
Miku's name in Japanese. Miku-chan (ミクちゃん) is a cornerstone of my life, tied to the things that drive me: ambition, technology, collaboration and community. She also stands for my passion, my drive, and the anxiety side of my personality.
The tattoo is mirrored. That used to bring me shame, until I realized it's a matter of perspective: under some conditions it looks perfect, and under others it doesn't. That gap became a lesson in mindset and in how you choose to see things.

Wrists

Both wrists are written in Vraki. I always dreamed of coming up with a language: as a kid I doodled the alphabets of alien civilizations, and the more I traveled and soaked up the world's cultures, the closer those doodles drifted to Vraki. It went digital as a little Windows app in 2017, grew into the writing of the whole #HusbandOutWorld world, and now it's part of my skin. Vraki is written 1:1 with English, so anyone who learns it can read my wrists.

Be Awesome! (written in Vraki)
Left wrist.
Do Better! (written in Vraki)
Right wrist.

Chest

Vegvísir
The Icelandic compass symbol, associated with guidance and finding one's way. I intentionally placed its center point over a single long white hair that I consider mystical.

Onward to 200 lb!

Show as a table

Year	Weight (lb)
2016	300
2017	220
2018	230
2020	230
2023	240
2025	260
2026	225

For years, the gym was a pressure valve. I went for stress relief, so it never gave me satisfaction: it was a tool for relief, not something I enjoyed. Part of that was my undiagnosed AuDHD, and not realizing how much masking I was doing every single day.

In 2025, a girl became the catalyst. I took the hypervigilance, mental abuse and misery I was put through and turned it into massive growth and knowledge. For the first time in my life, going to the gym is as natural as brushing my teeth. I don’t go to relieve stress anymore; I go because I actually enjoy it, listening to music on the elliptical or while lifting.

Wake up at 6am, drink coffee, poop, bathe, and hit the gym before work. It’s a practical, frictionless part of my routine now, not something I have to force myself to do.

Steps I’ve taken

Increased my protein intake.
Fixed my fatty liver.
Made the gym a place of zen for the body.
Started going in the mornings, at 6:30am.

Now

Scaling up weight training and chasing 200 lb. Sometimes the weight swings, and that’s part of the journey.

Onward to 200 lb!

My top 39 favorite games, ranked, with how many hours I've sunk into each. 15,057 hours in total.

My profile on Steam

Rank 1: Placeholder game 1

1,560 hours
Rank 2: Placeholder game 2

1,399 hours
Rank 3: Placeholder game 3

1,255 hours
Rank 4: Placeholder game 4

1,126 hours
Rank 5: Placeholder game 5

1,010 hours
Rank 6: Placeholder game 6

907 hours
Rank 7: Placeholder game 7

814 hours
Rank 8: Placeholder game 8

731 hours
Rank 9: Placeholder game 9

656 hours
Rank 10: Placeholder game 10

590 hours

See #11 to #39

Rank 11: Placeholder game 11

530 hours
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476 hours
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428 hours
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385 hours
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346 hours
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311 hours
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280 hours
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252 hours
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227 hours
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204 hours
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184 hours
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166 hours
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149 hours
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134 hours
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121 hours
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109 hours
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98 hours
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88 hours
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79 hours
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71 hours
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63 hours
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57 hours
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50 hours
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45 hours
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40 hours
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35 hours
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31 hours
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27 hours
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23 hours

My top 39 favorite anime, ranked, and what each one means to me.

My full list on MyAnimeList

Rank 1: Sword Art Online

Very controversial, yes. But I have to give it #1 because of what it meant to me at a specific point in my life. In March 2019 I was stagnating, going through the motions: depressed, heavily masked, and unable to break the loop. I wasn't even traveling. Just work, eat, shit, sleep. Gaming and fishing were nice, but they only scratched the surface; something deeper was missing. I hadn't watched many anime before this (Bleach, AOT, Yosuga no Sora, To LOVE-Ru), so this one hit me like a freight train and triggered hyperfocus. It even breathed life back into me to do better at the gym (back then I used the gym to de-stress rather than truly enjoying being there). This anime was one of the cornerstones, alongside the Vraki writing I had done before, of what happened in October 2019: the #HusbandOutWorld project.
Rank 2: Bleach

Back at Moderno High School in Macapá, someone handed me a DVD with "Bleach S1 pt-br sub" written on it in Sharpie. I was so curious I nearly ran from school to my mother's store, did what I had to do on the server and in the store, then sat down in the back office, dropped the DVD into the tray and hit play. The first line of the opening song, Orange Range's "Asterisk", got burned into my brain as a core memory. It's 2026, and I still remember that moment extremely vividly.
Rank 3: Yosuga no Sora (In Solitude, Where We Are Least Alone)

Yep. That anime tickled something deep and turbulent that I didn't understand back then: my ecchi/hentai energy. I truly understand it now, and I have no shame about it, since it's something I set out to explore to feel more fulfilled.
Rank 4: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)

I guess the real #1. The ending is complicated, but more power to the author for sticking to what he wanted to do. When I first watched Season 1 back in 2014, I literally had to sleep with the lights on because it haunted my imagination. I also love how rich the world building is. It reminds me of Age of Empires II, where I'd build a custom map with my city fortified with Imperial Age walls, focus on my own thing on my own time, and then, when I was ready, open the gates and slaughter the other empires that had been bickering with each other the whole time. Not exactly the same, but that unawareness of the wider world is an interesting phenomenon. Amazing OPs, too!
Rank 5: Mushoku Tensei: Isekai Ittara Honki Dasu (Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation)

Love it. Even the ecchi. Everything has a purpose, and I have nothing to complain about. If I had watched Mushoku Tensei before writing #HusbandOutWorld, I might not have written my story at all, because it's good enough to quench a lot of the thirst I had while consuming one isekai after another.
Rank 6: Made in Abyss

The juxtaposition between what you think it's about and what actually happens reminds me of Happy Tree Friends. The world lore and its rules are fascinating!
Rank 7: Steins;Gate

I'm usually not a fan of multiple timelines and time machines, but this is clearly an exception. The whole thing is crafted like a finely tuned orchestra, and the pieces fall into place perfectly.
Rank 8: Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (Re:Zero − Starting Life in Another World)

So intense, so powerful. Loved it! The later seasons try to update the formula, but I think it got too complex for its own good, with too many people to track and a bit of a villain-of-the-week problem. Regardless: Rem, best girl!
Rank 9: Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo! (KonoSuba: God's Blessing on This Wonderful World!)

If you read my Vol 2 afterword, you'll understand why this one is so meaningful to me. Besides loving Megumin and the rest of the cast, I love how it takes potshots at the entire isekai genre, and the laissez-faire, shitposting attitude it brings.
Rank 10: To LOVE-Ru

Ecchi in the shape of an anime. I absolutely loved the creativity in pushing the envelope as far as possible! Yami is my favorite girl, even though IRL that type of girl tends to be toxic as fuck. Avoidant girls, especially fearful avoidants, are complete energy vampires.

See #11 to #39

Rank 11: Youjo Senki (Saga of Tanya the Evil)

I love how rich the world lore is, and also how deep it goes into the mechanics of war. Great soundtrack, too!
Rank 12: Ishuzoku Reviewers (Interspecies Reviewers)

I was laughing out loud at how committed and no-shits-given they were to the bit. That's true artistic integrity.
Rank 13: Cyberpunk: Edgerunners

That one really got me in the feels. It made me feel more in one sitting than I felt while dating some girls. It's hard for me to miss someone once I say goodbye, but this anime made me sit with that feeling for a good while after watching it.
Rank 14: Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai (Kaguya-sama: Love Is War)

I love how alive the characters are and how creative the shenanigans get, even though I absolutely hate people who "play hard to get". As we say in Portuguese: "Quem faz cu doce só atrai formiga e vagabundo" (whoever plays hard to get only attracts ants and bums).
Rank 15: Spy x Family

Based on what you've seen so far, you might expect me not to watch this, but nope. I love how grounded it feels, and the plot does a really good job of using its characters. Cute jokes, too. I'll be showing this to my future kids for sure.
Rank 16: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer)

Part of me wondered about ranking it higher, but it's tough, since a lot of anime have a closer, more special meaning to me. The animation gets a standing ovation, and so do the story and plot development!
Rank 17: Monogatari

This one is for seasoned veterans of the genre, or someone deep into Japanese culture. The unique way the story is told is still vivid in my brain, despite all the anime I've absorbed since.
Rank 18: Death Note

I've learned a lot more about narcissism recently, and boy, Light Yagami was really well written, alongside the other characters.
Rank 19: Mob Psycho 100

The story development, the world lore and the characters themselves are really well done! That ending was unique; I still remember pieces of it.
Rank 20: Sono Bisque Doll wa Koi wo Suru (My Dress-Up Darling)

So good it brought back memories of how the initial spark went in my relationships, except this anime takes a better path, while I kept getting attracted to mysterious girls (à la Darkness from To LOVE-Ru) and ending up with a broken heart every time. At least I've learned my lesson now.
Rank 21: Toaru Kagaku no Railgun (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

Misaki is hands down my favorite character in the entire series! And this is my favorite series in the "A Certain..." world.
Rank 22: Nanatsu no Taizai (The Seven Deadly Sins)

Memorable characters, a story that moves, people who grow, a plot that thickens, and interesting world building. For how long it is, it's mostly sensible.
Rank 23: Toradora!

I mean, it's Taiga! But for real, the chemistry between the two main characters is well developed, which is why so many people still remember it.
Rank 24: Akira

A true classic. It's been years since I watched it, but I can close my eyes and still see flashbacks of how detailed it was.
Rank 25: Hagane no Renkinjutsushi: Fullmetal Alchemist (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

I remember binge-watching the whole thing in a few days. Solid story, characters and world lore.
Rank 26: Goblin Slayer

They really dove deep into D&D with a unique take on the world lore, and you know what? Season 1 was truly memorable.
Rank 27: Ookami to Koushinryou (Spice and Wolf)

Besides the relationship and the bonding, the merchant life and bartering are really well developed! I took inspiration from it while working on the world lore for #HusbandOutWorld.
Rank 28: Another

My entry point to the more morbid and twisted stuff like When They Cry, so it has a special place in my mind.
Rank 29: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni (When They Cry)

I watched the remake. Spoiler warning, but goddamn, can these two just fucking rub clits and get over this shit? ...huehuehuehue. Okay, shitposting aside, the scene with the rake is so fucking insane it still haunts me years later. I slept fine, but it was an assault on the senses... Well done.
Rank 30: Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai! (Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions!)

So damn cute! It reminded me of going through adolescence, which means it does a really good job of capturing how weird and fascinating it is to grow into early adulthood. Also, I absolutely love Satone, because I love clingy girls!
Rank 31: Log Horizon

Not many people have heard of this isekai, but honestly, it's a top dog in the genre for really getting into the weeds of its world building and trying to figure out how everything works.
Rank 32: Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo (The Pet Girl of Sakurasou)

This anime reminded me of a girl I got close to once. I was undiagnosed autistic, and she was even more autistic than me. We couldn't figure it out, she had tons of baggage, and you can't fix someone else's shit.
Rank 33: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)

The kind of anime that makes you go "Oh! Didn't expect that!", with a unique creative vision for portraying the struggles and feelings of adolescence. Unique!
Rank 34: Tokyo Ghoul

The later seasons kind of derailed it, but that first season got me hooked, and I binge-watched it in one sitting. The MC's progression and changing persona is something I took notes on, and you can see it in Harry and other characters.
Rank 35: Fate/stay night & Fate/Zero

Shoutout to Unlimited Blade Works, and especially Heaven's Feel. Grounded world rules, and each branch of the story is truly unique.
Rank 36: Seikon no Qwaser (The Qwaser of Stigmata)

I watched this in the same time frame as Yosuga no Sora. Interesting world rules, and definitely a fetish for sucking tits. It made me curious about being physically intimate with a commanding, forward girl... Results are in! It's fun, given I'm usually the more dominant type.
Rank 37: Nichijou (My Ordinary Life) & Non Non Biyori

The complete opposite of some of the other stuff I watched, but I have fond memories of them. So cute and chill!
Rank 38: Overlord

One of my favorite isekai, and one of the OGs from before the torrent of copycats trying to milk the market dry.
Rank 39: Isekai Shokudou (Restaurant to Another World)

It's rare for me to watch something, get hungry, go find the ingredients and immediately try to recreate a dish from the show. That beef stew was divine!

My top 39 TV shows. Anime gets its own tab because of how much it means to me.

Rank 1: Placeholder TV show 1
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See #11 to #39

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Rank 39: Placeholder TV show 39

As a citizen of the world, I’ve experienced many cultures, and I developed my own moral compass from two facts: I’m mortal, and I’m curious.

If you came here expecting graphic details because I’m AuDHD and very transparent… no. I have boundaries. I’m transparent about myself, as truth is the best disinfectant against bullshit and toxic humans, but I respect others’ privacy.

I hope they respect mine, and the privacy of every woman involved, and never upload the video from the night I enjoyed six women at once. Alcohol was involved. I was so overloaded I couldn’t think straight; we were all lost in booze and lust, and I let go of my old self along with any sense of what was real—I truly never thought I had that strong of a shadow side in me, yet here we are. It’s done, and I’ve reflected a lot on it.

If it ever surfaces, the truth is already here. I’m human, and I’ll die someday, but I’ll die knowing I lived something wilder than anything I wrote in #HusbandOutWorld.

Why the pendulum swung so hard: an excerpt from my Vol 4 afterword

—Since we are on this topic of newfound memories, to all the women I shared a bed with since my AuDHD unmasking, thank you for indulging my shadow side while I was on a rebound spree due to being mentally abused and starved emotionally and physically! For the way my brain works, that was necessary —alongside a lot of self-reflection—to re-stabilize myself and grow, although I do confess the pendulum swung hard, and I tested my very limits by going into the deepest, lustful desires of my ADHD driven soul, even jumping without hesitation into experiencing six women at once, flooding every sense into purely carnal surreality, continuously trying to please more than being pleased.

[…]

Now that I no longer feel in survival mode, my original goal is to settle down with a woman I can deeply bond with, cut all contact with girls I was emotionally or physically tangled with, and raise a supportive family together. It’s resurfacing once again, but I’m no longer as innocent, and I wonder if I will ever find a woman I truly feel safe creating a life with and raising them into this wild, weird world, as I’ve learned that I push people away romantically when I smell ambiguity, and I tend to feel more dissonance with someone than love the more they struggle with their feelings—I’m writing this to other neurodivergent people as I do believe this is something we struggle a lot with—trust.

Read all the afterwords at husbandoutworld.com for the full context.

Howdy!

The facets that fulfill Deo

Deovandski's Blog

#HusbandOutWorld Website

Vraki West March Campaign D&D

Sinoi The Fisherman

The mantras

Hard truths

Places by region

Asia

North America

South America

Solen Zara

Arragoa

Left forearm

Right forearm

Wrists

Chest

Steps I’ve taken

Now

Mikunopolis, Los Angeles (2011)

Magical Mirai, Osaka (2014)

Miku Expo (2023)

Magical Mirai (2024)

Miku Expo (2025)

Country

Electronic & synthwave

Folk

Orchestral: games & film

Performance art

Pop, indie & psychedelic

Rock & metal

Tribute shows

Acrobatic theater

Ballet

Musicals

Opera

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Rank 1: Sword Art Online

Rank 2: Bleach

Rank 3: Yosuga no Sora (In Solitude, Where We Are Least Alone)

Rank 4: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)